Memories
by AlySimmons
Summary: ...because memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam SEED/ Destiny**

**Memories**

* * *

It was a starry night.

The breeze softly blew on Cagalli's pale and tired face. She leaned on the rail, the rustling of the vines tickling her hands but she gave no thought on that.

She could feel it; it was time. Yes, she knew. She didn't know how or why she knew but she just _knew_. Call it a premonition of some kind.

She sighed and glanced at her room, her eyes resting on the black shiny plate of the grand piano sitting silently. She closed her eyes and she smiled slightly, feeling the touch of the keys and the sound of the steel strings being struck, all in her mind.

She could feel her feet softly touching the pedals, pressing on them slightly, putting a little pressure on the golden una corda. Her eyes swiftly snapped open and her mind came back to the dangers of reality. Her grasp on the railings tightened and her breath hitched.

She swallowed slowly and steadily.

She laughed softly without humor, thinking however did she get into a situation like this.

* * *

"_What do you mean?" She asked the doctor, her voice cracking._

"_I'm sorry, Chief Representative," The doctor, a woman apologized. _

"_So, it's over," Cagalli said, her voice suggesting a tone of surrender. "Nothing can be done about it?"_

"_No," The doctor shook her head sadly. "We've already done everything we could. But at this late stage, I don't think there's anything else left…"_

"_How long?" Cagalli asked in a small voice, a whisper barely audible._

"_A few years," The doctor told her. "Six or seven, I presume."_

"_That long?" Cagalli said, doubting the doctor's statement._

"_That's only my estimation, my lady," the doctor said. "But, you know, I think it's all up to you."_

"_How so?"_

"_When you're ready, you're ready," The doctor explained. "But if you're not, you wouldn't give up no matter what, even if it seemed impossible to accomplish."_

"_You're saying," Cagalli said slowly. "That it's all up to me?"_

"_Yes."_

"_But, no matter what," Cagalli sighed. "It'd still end up the same way, right?"_

_The doctor bowed her head. "I'm…I'm afraid so."_

"_I see…" Cagalli could feel her tears forming at the corner of her eyes. "Thank you."_

"_If possible," The doctor suddenly said, "I'd like you to keep on trying, everyone else does too, even if they don't know."_

"_Maybe," Cagalli softly stated. "Thank you…for keeping quiet about this. You'll get your reward, of course, soon…I'll send someone-."_

"_No!" The doctor said, a bit indignant. "No, I kept this secret because I believe that this would be better…better that nobody knows. But now…now that we've reached this conclusion, I refuse to be rewarded. I have failed you, my lady. And it is better if I receive punishment instead."_

"_What are you saying?" Cagalli shook her head. "You have in no way failed me. On the contrary, you have done a noble deed…an honorary act. Orb thanks you."_

"_Representative…"_

"_Please, call me Cagalli."

* * *

_

Cagalli closed her eyes once again. She told the doctor that, even though she felt like she wanted to shout and take out all her anger and depression at something herself. But why would she accuse and blame the doctor? Had it been her fault? Of course not.

It was destiny…fate.

Selfish, insensitive and uncaring fate.

And maybe that's why she did it. She broke her own heart the very next day, knowing she couldn't hurt him any further, knowing their relationship will take them nowhere, knowing it will be he who will be most hurt at the end.

* * *

"_I…don't love you," She lied._

"_What do you mean?" The man's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"_

"_It's simple to comprehend, is it not?" She said with cold eyes, eyes she was able forge through the years. "I. Don't. Love. You."_

"_No," He shook his head. "You do, you're just denying yourself, like always."_

"_No," She retorted. "I never loved you. I don't love you."_

"_You're lying," He hissed. "Why are you lying?"_

"_I'm not lying," God, how ironic was their conversation. "It's the truth."_

_Even though the truth was the lie…_

"_It's not the truth," He said, refusing to believe. "It's not."_

"_I only did whatever I did…" She trailed off. "To fill the void…my father died. You were then closer to me at the time than anyone else…I was just using you. There wasn't any love. I didn't care for you."_

"_If you didn't, then why are you telling me this now?" He demanded. "If you didn't care at all, why would you even bother to tell me?"_

"_Because I didn't want to have the guilt eating me. I may not have loved you," Cagalli swallowed. "But I'm not a person who doesn't repay someone who has been good to me. You were. And this is my way of doing it."_

"_I don't believe you," He stated firmly._

"_Why?" She asked. "Why would you not believe me? I hurt you, I've caused you pain and yet you don't believe when I say that all my feelings for you were nothing but a lie?"_

"_I don't believe you," He said again. "Because I know you. I knew you the most. Not even Kira can know you better than I do. And I know that you're not good at lying. You never were."_

"_What if I had been careful? What if I've been doing those things on purpose to fool you?" Cagalli said. _

"_Well then, if that's the case, you've been fooling yourself as well."_

"_Yes, maybe," Cagalli agreed. "But I make my own choices. It's none of your business to know whether or not I regret them."_

"_Maybe it isn't." And he walked off, still doubting her words. But if he knew Cagalli, then he knew why she'd do this. Even if it hurt him, if this was what Cagalli wanted, he had no choice._

"_Goodbye, Athrun," Cagalli said in a voice above a whisper, smiling, tears falling continuously on her cheeks.

* * *

_

Cagalli looked up into the night sky, another breeze blowing on her face. Maybe what she did was for the betterment of everyone, even if her own heart was in pieces. After all, he did get his happy ending.

* * *

"_You don't have to always be alone," Cagalli heard a rather cheerful voice behind her. Cagalli looked up from her place on the balcony. Yes, balconies and terraces were her favorite places these last few years._

_It was Meyrin, clad in her white gown. Her eyes showed enthusiasm, the same eyes Cagalli had a few years back. "Meyrin, I believe I haven't offered my congratulations yet."_

"_Oh, it's alright," She said happily, waving a hand. "You came, that's all that matters. I heard you and Athrun were rather close…best friends, even."_

_Cagalli's head snapped up. Best friends? So, Athrun didn't tell her about them. Of course he wouldn't. Cagalli broke his heart…it's only fair. "Um, yes, of course."_

"_Meyrin," Cagalli fingered a certain ring in her pocket. Yes, she wore a suit to a wedding. "I'd like to give you something."_

"_Oh? But we already received your present…quite lovely, I must say."_

"_No," Cagalli shook her head. "This isn't just any present. It's special."_

"_Special?" Meyrin said in confusion._

"_Yes," Cagalli took Meyrin's hand and put the ring in it._

"_A ring?"_

"_It's Athrun's," Cagalli said. "He was in a relationship with a girl before the second war began…And he gave this to her."_

"_Athrun…" Meyrin looked at the ring carefully. "He never mentioned anyone…"_

"_Of course he hasn't," Cagalli said softly. "She died."_

"_What?" Meyrin looked up. "That's horrible!"_

"_Yes, at the start of the second war," Cagalli explained. "Athrun gave her this before he went to ZAFT. Before she died, the girl gave it to me, telling me to give it to the woman Athrun ends up with."_

"_Who Athrun ends up with?" Meyrin furrowed her eyebrows. _

"_You," Cagalli answered simply. "You're the woman he's married. You're the one he chose. You're the one he loves."_

_Meyrin fingered the ring carefully and looked up to see Cagalli's smiling face. "Thank you."_

"_No," Cagalli shook her head. "Thank you…for protecting him all this time. Athrun may seem strong and he is. But there are times when he is weak. He also needs to be protected. And I'm sure you can do just that."_

_Meyrin looked down._

"_Promise me, for the sake of my friend who had passed away and for Athrun himself," Cagalli looked up, tears forming at the corner of her eyes. "Promise me that you'll protect him, that you'll always be there for him and that you'll never leave him. Promise me, please."_

_Meyrin glanced from the ring, to Cagalli and to the sky, "Yes, I promise."_

_Maybe Cagalli didn't always have to be the one to protect him. Of course not. He had Meyrin now…Meyrin who will be there for him, Meyrin who will never leave him and Meyrin who will never hurt him._

_Athrun was happy._

_And for Cagalli, that's enough._

But there were also times when she missed him too much. And that caused her to see another man as Athrun when he clearly was not and never will be Athrun.

Yes, Cagalli had a rebound relationship.

"_Athrun…" Cagalli stared at a man who had the same hairstyle and hair color as Athrun. Cagalli shook her head. No, Athrun was at PLANT. Though they had a rather unclean break-up, after a few years, they were able to establish a fine friendship and were in good terms. With that, Athrun would always call whenever he came to visit._

_The Athrun look-alike seemed to have heard her. He turned around, "I beg your pardon?"_

_Cagalli, who had been wearing a disguise at that time, swallowed. "No, sorry, I just thought you were someone I knew."_

"_Oh, well, that's fine," The man said. "I'm Marcus, by the way, Marcus Bradford."_

_He took out his hand. Cagalli looked at it and Marcus felt a bit awkward. "Um, if not…"_

"_No," Cagalli shook her head in an instant. "No, it's not that…uh, come here."_

_She pulled him towards a more private room. She didn't know what she was thinking…it was on impulse. Her mind- her mind was in circles and she wasn't thinking straight at all._

_When she was sure it was only the two of them, Cagalli revealed herself to him.

* * *

_

Marcus had quite a shock; Cagalli could remember it quite well. She smiled. Marcus was a good man, a great friend and she regretted taking advantage of him greatly. But she couldn't help it. It was like when she was with Athrun all over again. She was loved and cared for. She felt what it was like to be hugged and to be kissed again.

And she didn't want those feelings to go away again.

But she was overcome with guilt. She couldn't take it any longer. Her physical relationship with Marcus might be that of two lovers' but she only saw him as a friend and nothing more. He's someone she cares about as well and to hurt him was like hurting herself.

* * *

"_I want to break up." Cagalli said, her head bowed down._

"_What?" Marcus' eyes widened. "Did-did I do something wrong?"_

"_No," Cagalli shook her head. "I did."_

"_No, you didn't," Marcus disagreed. "I mean I never…"_

"_I was using you," Cagalli blurted out. "And I'm sorry."_

"_Using me?" Marcus asked in disbelief. "What do you mean?"_

"_I…I fell in love," Cagalli admitted. "I fell in love with someone else who looked a lot like you. And I guess I felt attracted to you because of that."_

"_Oh," Marcus said. "This man…where is he?"_

"_He's married," Cagalli sighed. "I broke up with him because I didn't want to hurt him anymore…"_

"_I see," Marcus bit his lip. "Well, it's not like I was expecting that but it was kind of hard to believe that the leader of my country would go out with someone like me."_

"_What are you talking about?" Cagalli said. "You're a great guy! And I'm really glad to have met you. It's just that I think you deserve someone better than me- someone who will love you for who you are and whose feelings are pure."_

"_You think?"_

"_I don't know how you could do it," Cagalli said, shaking her head. "You're always so optimistic even when you're hurt."_

_Marcus took Cagalli's hand. "I'm optimistic because we need to be grateful for every little thing that's happened to us. We've gone through two wars already and this peace we now have is something we should be thankful for and I plan to live every second of it."_

_Cagalli nodded and smiled sadly, "I know this a common break-up line, but I'd really like it if we could be friends. I really do care about you and I love you, just not in that way."_

"_I know," Marcus accepted that fact and Cagalli was envious at how he could have done it so quickly and yet thankful as well to have met such a wonderful person. "I'd love to be friends."

* * *

_

With Kira and Lacus up in PLANT, it was Marcus whom Cagalli turned to when she needed encouragement and Marcus had also sought Cagalli's advice quite a few times and therefore, they had become very close friends.

They were rumored by the press that they were involved romantically but were humiliated because two months later, Marcus met a woman, the woman who will become his eventual wife.

Cagalli was invited as a special guest to their wedding one year later and she was more than happy to give them her blessing. She still kept in touch with Marcus despite him being married and last she heard, they were expecting a child.

Speaking of children, Kira and Lacus had a daughter, Kiara. She's a sweet little thing and Cagalli adored her so much. But it hurt her when Cagalli looked at her niece. She wanted a child like her. She wanted to have a family. She wanted to have a husband.

But she had already ruined her chances very long ago. And besides, she didn't want to hurt anyone else, not after Athrun and Marcus.

It had been eight years since the doctor diagnosed she had liver cancer. Even with the technology now, they still weren't able to find a cure for Cagalli. Truth be told, she had no idea how she could have lasted this long. Was what the doctor had told her true?

Maybe, maybe not.

She walked inside her room and fingered the piano. Her fingers slowly traced through the black shiny metal, going to the pearl white keys.

She closed her eyes once again.

* * *

"_Mommy, can you teach me to play the piano?" An innocent six-year old asked eagerly._

"_Of course, Sweetheart! Come here," Sakura Yula Athha said in a sweet tone._

_Cagalli climbed up the velvet seat and watched in awe as her mother's fingers went from one key to another, pressing them with so much grace and poise.

* * *

_

That was one of the most precious memories Cagalli had of her mother before she passed away when she was twelve.

The piano was not only her connection to her mother but in a way, it was also her connection to Athrun.

* * *

"_You play?" Athrun asked._

"_Yeah, my Mom taught me how when I was little." Cagalli opened the lid of the instrument. "Do you want to hear me play?"_

_Athrun's eyes softened. "Of course."_

_Nicol was a great pianist and maybe it was because of that that endeared him to Cagalli even more. Both loved Pachelbel's Canon and soon, it had become their song.

* * *

_

Cagalli sat down on the chair and placed her fingers on some certain keys.

"_First decide, and then just do it…"_

She pressed her fingers and the instrument emitted a wonderful sound.

"_Sometimes we choose the wrong path, and we never get to where we wanted to go…"_

Her fingers jumped from one key to another with grace, just like her mother.

"_We've gone through two wars already and this peace we now have is something we should be thankful for and I plan to live every second of it…"_

It was time, she knew. It was time.

"_There's still time to set things right…"_

Yes, she had done that. Orb was now at peace, as well as the world.

"_I feel very fortunate to have been your father…"_

"I'm sorry, Father. But despite what had happened, I'm also happy in a way."

"_I'm pretty lucky to have met you…"_

"And I'm pretty lucky to have met you too, Athrun. So, so lucky."

"_The hardest battle is to keep living…"_

Yes, it is the hardest battle and Cagalli was already losing.

No, not losing. She wasn't losing everything.

No, she had won too. She finally resolved herself and was able to become one of the greatest leaders in the history of Orb.

But her journey…it ends now.

As she pressed the last key to Pachelbel's Canon, she could feel her eyelids heavy and her breaths were uneven. She felt weak and wanted to sleep; to rest.

She closed the lid of the piano and her head rested silently atop of it.

It'll be over…she was scared.

But it's alright. She had done her best and that's why she doesn't have any other regrets.

She's happy.

Cagalli closed her eyes and her mind and body entered eternal slumber where dreams can come true and where there are happily ever afters, or at least, that's what she's told.

Yes, Cagalli was in peace, in tranquility, in comfort.

Cagalli was happy.

She passed to the other world with a smile on her face.

Cagalli was finally happy.

* * *

Athrun stood before the intricately detailed grave- one of the largest graves present. It was next to the grave of Lord Uzumi and there engraved the words which were painful for Athrun to look at.

_~Cagalli Yula Athha_~

_~May 18, C.E. 55 – September 3, C.E. 81~_

_~Honorable leader, loyal comrade, beloved friend~_

"You should've told us," Athrun whispered, his voice cracking as the wind blew on his face. "You shouldn't have kept all that burden to yourself…we could've found a way…a cure."

Athrun could feel the sting of tears at the corner of his eyes. Some things never change.

He might have married Meyrin but Cagalli is irreplaceable in his heart. He loved her. He loves her. And he will always love her. If it hadn't been because of their duties, he would never have given up on her. He understood that the world needed them for their strength and abilities and he accepted the fact that he can no longer be with her but he never knew that it was because of cancer that she broke up with him.

If he knew, if he only knew…

Athrun clenched his fist and tears started to fall.

"It will always be you," Athrun said softly, touching the grave with his fingers, caressing it. "I love Meyrin but I'll always love you, even if you're not here anymore. Always."

Athrun's hand went to his chest on impulse, his fingers gaining contact with the ruby pendant lying beneath his clothes.

"_Get some protection from that."_

"Athrun," Meyrin called and he turned to face her. She was carrying a large bouquet of flowers.

"Hey."

Meyrin smiled and placed the bouquet in front of Cagalli's grave. She took hold of the ring Cagalli had given her on her wedding day. She had turned it into a necklace. She took off the chain around her neck, giving Athrun a knowing glance.

She tied it around the grave, making sure it was secured.

She knelt down on the pavement, "I finally understand what you meant that day…the ring…it will always be yours."

Athrun helped his wife up, holding her hand. She glanced up gratefully and instinctively placed a hand on her stomach which had a little bulge.

"If ever this baby is a girl," Meyrin started. "I think we know what name we'll be giving her."

"Yeah," Athrun smiled, leading his wife to the car.

It had been months since Cagalli's death and Athrun made a point to visit her everyday, if possible. After all, he was stationed in Orb after her death.

Cagalli Yula Athha might have left this world earlier than the rest but her spirit will always be with them, with Orb and with the whole world. Even if she's not here with them, she'll guide the people and her friends from the other world and someday, surely, they will meet again.

Memories fade, but Cagalli will never fade from the hearts of people and her legacy will live down and everyone in this world will know her name, her life, her hardships and everything she sacrificed all for the betterment of this world.

Her name was Cagalli Yula Athha and she was one of the greatest people this world has ever known.

* * *

_Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~The Wonder Years  
_

* * *

**This fic had been in my mind for years, probably the same time as my earlier fic, 'Lost Love'. Except now, 'Memories' was not edited in any way aside from spelling and grammatical errors but the idea was the same. I know, I know, I'm pretty bad for making Cagalli die...so cruel of me...**

**I did not write 'Memories' because I want Cagalli dead or I favor Asumey. I wrote this because I want to portray Cagalli's character as a noble one who will sacrifice everything for the good of her country and her loved ones. Even though Cagalli died, for me, it was a sad yet happy ending. So, please, don't flame me for this fic! Thanks so much! =)))**

**Anyway, even though this fic is a bit angsty, I hope you guys still liked it and please review!**


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